after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
