She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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