Jerry, you need to find god
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
