so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
