The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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