Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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