There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
