Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
