we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
