I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
