Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
