I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize