that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
