3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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