i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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