I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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