Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
