Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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