Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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