when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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