Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
