Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
