who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
