Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
