I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
