my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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