he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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