it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
