Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
