We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just high enough for therapy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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