FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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