the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
