We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
