It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
