I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
