i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
