i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
