It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
