i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We need a shit load of segways right now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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