When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
