make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
