Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
