So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
