i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
