We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
