Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
