I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
