apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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