dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
