finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
