I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
