he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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