In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the condom got lost in my hair
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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