onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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