girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
