I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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