That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize