but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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