And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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