I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
