Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
