am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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