You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
