1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
